Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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