I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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