Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize