I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
