That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I am naked and annoyed.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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