a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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