we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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