Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
