Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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