i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My bed smells like the plague
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