PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
17 year olds will be the death of me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
