Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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