I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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