he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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