Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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