No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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