dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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