6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
