Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
