so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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