It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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