Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
