The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She's the barista slut.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize