I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
