he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
