There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
