Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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