Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize