well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
