his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
