I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
