i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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