dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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