Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
