i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
