I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
