theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
