Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
