Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
