two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My life is pants optional.
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