Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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