Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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