You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
