nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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