I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
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