That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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