very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
