Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
