I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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