Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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