she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
