when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
