You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
