and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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