That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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