and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
