No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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