my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
