Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
