Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
