hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
