I just threw up on my dentist
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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