you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
