You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
