You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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