Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
