I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
