areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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