it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
