who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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