I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
