I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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