i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
