I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
