I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
