his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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