I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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