Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
