i think my tv is drunk
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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