the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
