Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
