some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
What a fucking waste of an outfit
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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