Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
