Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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