Ambien. No doubt about it.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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