We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
