my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
