I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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