I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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