It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
