are you still at the devil's house?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
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