Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
