my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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