how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
