I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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