I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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