also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
