I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
