My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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