Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Welp...herpes.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
