the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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