I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
