PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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