And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize