I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
