Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Come see our sink grown plant.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
