You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
