bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
