i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
