So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
