3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
