Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize